3 Clubs that Didn’t Make the Cut 2018/2019

Now that Clubs Days are officially over, it’s time for us to take a look at some of the clubs that unfortunately weren’t ratified for this year. Better luck next time, folks!

1
Fencing Club

This club was to be run by a third-year student in civil engineering named Jeremy Flynn. “I’m really bummed out that we couldn’t get approved this year, ‘cause fencing has been a hobby of mine since was a little kid, but it happens,” Flynn said. “I thought it’d be a good initiative to have on campus, y’know, with students getting out and being active, able to meet new people, and stuff like that.”

When asked why he believed the club wasn’t a success this year, Flynn said, “I think there was a lot of confusion around what the club was actually about. People kept asking us about sword fighting, for some reason. I think they just don’t understand the importance of having physical boundaries around property, and how much fun setting it up can be. Maybe next year, though.”

2
The Capitalist Free Market Association

Drew Pennybags is a fourth year business student who was so concerned with the state of free speech on campus that he decided to do something about it, like a true entrepreneur. When Drew heard there would be a communist club at Clubs Days, he decided to offer an opposing opinion, for the sake of free expression, of course. “I just think there’s a lot of socialist propaganda around university campuses these days,” Drew said.

“I think it’s important for both sides to be represented. If we’re going to glorify communism, we should have someone spread the good word of a free market in extreme monopolization. I don’t believe in handouts. I think people should work for what they have. For example, my dad worked extremely hard to make all the money he sends me every week, so why shouldn’t other people, too?” Drew is very passionate about hard work and creating business, claiming it is part of his legacy as a direct descendant of the Monopoly Man.

3
The University of Windsor Necromancy Club

This club was advocated for based on one student’s desire to do some real good in the world outside university. Samuel von Hohenheim is a second year student majoring in biology and philosophy, and was hoping to be the Necromancy Club’s president in the current academic year. “I just think that death is such a tragedy,” Samuel said, “And I wanted to start a club that would teach people to prevent that tragedy. In fact, I wanted to call it the Pro-Life Club instead, but that has different connotations apparently.”

Samuel went on to explain the intended demographic for the club members. “Of course everyone would have been welcome to join the club, but I figured we’d get a lot of people from the Avian Taxidermy Club, like anyone who felt that club didn’t go quite far enough. But hey, it’s no big deal that we didn’t get approved. I voted for the Liberals in the last election, so I’m used to being disappointed.”

One of the proposed activities for the Necromancy Club was to be reviving Michael Jackson for the University’s upcoming 80s Revival Night, but the club ran into some legal issues before the idea got off the ground.

And there you have it, folks. Maybe next year some of these clubs will be made official and available for you to join, or perhaps some even more interesting clubs will be formed. Until then, be sure to check out the UWSA hub at campusvibe.ca/uwsahub for more information on all the clubs and groups at the University of Windsor.

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