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First Year Student Naively Believes He Can Maintain Long-Distance Relationship With High School Sweetheart

Stuart North, a first-year student who began his studies at the University of Windsor earlier this month, has expressed his belief that he and his high school girlfriend, Madeline Pride, will be able to maintain a long-distance relationship throughout their respective academic careers.

Both Stuart and Madeline come from the Hamilton area, but Stuart is planning on completing an undergraduate degree in communication, media, and film here at Windsor, while Madeline is attending the University of Ottawa for geography. Despite the roughly eight-hour travel time, they both remain hopeful that their feelings for each other will somehow be able to avoid the inevitably numbing effects of separation, both over time and across distance.

“I think it’ll be fine,” Stuart said in an interview. “Technology has made it so much easier to keep in touch over long distances. We’ll be able to Skype, FaceTime, and text each other whenever we want,” Stuart concluded, completely confusing the emotions one might feel in the presence of a loved one with the vague familiarity afforded by hard, dead, unfeeling screens of glass that induce long-term eye strain. “Sometimes I get worried about all the new people she’ll meet, and that maybe she’ll lose interest in me,” he continued, “but then I remember that we have something more important than novelty: we have history.”

Stuart’s older brother Jacob, who is a third-year student at the University of Windsor, reached out to comment: “He’s still under the impression that love is something that stays constant over time. I don’t know why he thinks that. He of all people should know how easily love fades like every other emotion, and that nothing can actually last forever. Like, our parents got divorced just five years ago and they already don’t speak to each other anymore. I don’t know why Stuart hasn’t gotten the message yet, but hopefully, he’ll snap out of it soon.”

Madeline could not be reached for comment, due to the fact that she’s all the way over there. While Stuart continues to live in blissful ignorance, it’s hoped that one day he will be able to make peace with the fact that, no matter what promises were made to him, the ones he cares about most will abandon him for whatever reason they feel justifies it, as we will all learn sooner or later. At least, in that respect, Stuart won’t be alone.


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