Food Services Reopens, But Not Soon Enough

The following article is satire. Facts have been skewed for your entertainment.

A handful of residence students struggled to survive over the winter break while Food Services had been completely closed for 11 consecutive days, from December 23rd to January 2nd, inclusive. Typically residence students are required to leave for the winter break 24 hours after their last exam, with move-in day being on January 3rd this year, but some students elect to stay for the entirety of the break. Although they are usually few in number, the students who do stay for the duration of the winter break often struggle to get by with the closure of university offices.

One student, who requested to remain anonymous, says he was only able to survive because of recent changes to the residence policy. In previous years, there were no pets or plants allowed in residence. However, these rules have been changed for the current academic year. Students are now allowed to have up to two pet fish as long as they are kept in a tank that is no more than 3 gallons in volume. They are also allowed up to two small sized plants in their room.

“If it hadn’t been for people leaving fish and plants in their rooms, I’d have starved for sure,” said the anonymous student. “I had to scavenge for whatever I could find in other people’s rooms.”

When asked why they didn’t turn to off-campus sources for food, the student said, “Do you know how cold it is during winter? There’s no way I’m walking anywhere to get food in this weather. And it’s not like I can cook anything myself. I mean, I had to ask to get a drink of water just last year. Don’t expect me to know how to use a stove.”

Managerial staff from Food Services would like to make it known that there are several ways students can provide feedback on the availability of food on campus. For example, there is the Residence & Food Services Advisory Board, or R&FSAB. This board has meetings every two weeks that are attended by concerned students and managers from Residence Services and Food Services. Additionally, members of the Windsor Inter-Residence Council (WIRC), who are tasked with advocating for students living in residence, also attend the meetings and raise specific concerns to university staff.

During a previous R&FSAB meeting, students have suggested extending food service hours to accommodate residence students who stay on campus over the winter break. After receiving a list of such suggestions, Food Services administrative staff made sure to place the sheet into their suggestion box — a small red bin that sat next to a garbage can.

Additionally, if any of our readers would like to make suggestions to Food Services, they can do so at the “Customer Feedback” section of the Food Services website.

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    I am not proud of how long it took to realize this was satire…

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