Patriarchy to End Following Student Protests

THIS IS A SATIRE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. WE ARE NOT MAKING ANY INSINUATIONS, ONLY JOKES.

A first-year student at the University of Windsor has announced her intent to dismantle the patriarchy with student-led protests. The student, named Sadie Anthony, has been hosting a table in the CAW commons area to hand out flyers, buttons, and posters.

“I was inspired to take action after taking the Gal Pals course,” Anthony explained. “Until then, I had no idea how bad feminist issues are in other parts of the world. Like, in developing countries and stuff, and for disabled people. It turns out there are a lot of people who have it harder than I do.”

Anthony has been handing out flyers and buttons with phrases such as “End Sexism” and “Challenge the Patriarchy” for a few weeks now. In addition to this, she has also been utilizing social media to spread her message. “I’ve already made a few Facebook posts about how women are oppressed around the world, so I think we should start seeing some changes in a few weeks or so. Maybe some more women elected heads of state, or even fewer child brides, now that I’m getting the word out there. I’m feeling pretty optimistic.”

Despite the recent origin of Anthony’s feminist crusade, she is confident that she can make an impact. “I did pretty well in the survey course for gender studies,” she explained, “so I know pretty much everything there is to know about feminism and the patriarchy.”

“It’s important to invest in female-based industries, like clothing and apparel.” Anthony has also been engaged in financially supporting women by buying the products of female labour. For example, the “THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE” t-shirt she recently purchased was made entirely by women in Mauritian sweatshops being paid roughly $1 CAD per hour.

A graduate assistant from the Women and Gender Studies department reached out for comment, though they wish to remain anonymous.

“We see this a lot in first year students,” they commented. “A lot of white people come into this course and hear about bell hooks and intersectionality for the first time and start thinking, ‘Oh, wow, racism is real! Who knew?’ I get the sense that Sadie just didn’t listen to people of colour until it was required for course credit.”

Despite her passion for this issue, there are those on campus who feel that Sadie’s efforts are being wasted on a non-issue. Andrew Peters, a second-year business student at the University of Windsor, reached out to the Lance to express his concern over her advocacy.

“I think she’s really misleading people with all this feminism stuff. It’s common knowledge that sexism ended once women got the vote, but now people are saying there are things like ‘white privilege’ and ‘male privilege’ but it’s all a myth. I listen to a lot of Steven Crowder and Ben Shapiro, so I’m pretty well informed. Like, look at me, for example. I’m a straight white man from an upper-middle-class family, but I’ve never felt privileged once in my life.”

Peters was unavailable for further comment, as his time is mostly spent in the psychology department where he is being studied to understand adults who never developed a sense of self-awareness.

Aside from Peters, the overall reaction to Anthony’s work has been relatively positive. Professors have expressed their excitement that students are trying to bring about positive social change, yet they remain skeptical about the effectiveness of the students’ methodology.

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