Satirist Has Nothing to Write Anymore

THIS IS A SATIRE. FACTS AND EVENTS HAVE BEEN SKEWED FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT.

By Joshua Boucher

A local satire writer has expressed concern in response to the results of the recent UWSA operations.

“They’ve already done so many ridiculous things that I don’t have anything to write about,” said Joshua Boucher, a satire writer for the University of Windsor’s Lance news and entertainment site.

The two main events causing stress for the writer are the UWSA’s General Election on March 15th and the UWSA Annual General Meeting (AGM) on march 19th.

The UWSA was very pleased to have met it’s quorum of 75 people on Monday, until they had to pause the meeting once a handful of people left. With people frequently coming and going from the meeting, the AGM had to pause and wait to continue like a video streaming on dial-up internet. Audience members, although dissatisfied with the pacing of the meeting, were very appreciative for the feelings of nostalgia.

After a few too many pauses, those present voted to either wait for more people to arrive or to adjourn the meeting until next academic term. The majority of people voted to wait, and then thought “Shit, never mind. This actually sucks,” before leaving Ambassador Alumni Auditorium. The meeting is adjourned until next year.

Before the AGM, events surrounding last week’s General Election also caused concern for many people on campus.

Previously planning to write a satiric article about the UWSA reaching out to Campus Ministry to “pray no one gets disqualified this election season,” Boucher was distressed to learn that one of the presidential candidates had been disqualified shortly before the election closed.

“I thought I was safe to wait until the two-week grace period after the election, but apparently not.”

Satirists aren’t the only ones distressed after this year’s general election. CJAM FM, the University of Windsor’s student-run radio station, has also stated that they are distraught to have been denied their request for additional funds of $3 per semester. The radio station has stated that they will continue to request improved funds after waiting a customary grace period of 37 years.

In the mean time, they intend to decrease costs by using a more cost-effective means of reaching their audience: tin cans connected by string.

The CJAM FM referendum is also in stark contrast to last year’s referendum to acquire funding for the Lancer Sport and Recreation Centre (LSRC). The LSRC referendum had requested semesterly funds much greater than those requested by CJAM and yet were approved for said funds by student referendum. Perhaps CJAM will learn from the LSRC and do as they did: wait four years to start charging students so that all those who vote “yes” graduate and don’t need to pay.

Voter turnout has also been taking a steady plunge. Two years ago the general election managed to roundup a walloping 37%, whereas last years turnout was somewhere in the neighbourhood of 26%.

This year, continuing the trend, was a disappointing 17%. This decreasing student engagement is most likely due to the students’ increasing disillusionment with democracy as an institution. To help increase turnout, the UWSA proposed an additional annual fee to charge UWSA members that would be reimbursed at such time that the member voted in the general election for the year in question. This was a motion discussed at the AGM on March 19th, but it was quickly denied when all present presumably collectively said, “Great Scott, no, what the fuck are you thinking?”

Here’s hoping that next year’s election will yield more enthusiasm from across campus.

 

Tags:

  • Show Comments (0)

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Ads

You May Also Like

Candidate Posters that Didn’t Make the Cut

As election season concludes and the winners soon to be crowned, The Lance would ...

University of Windsor Alarmingly Among Greenest Campuses

The following article is satire. Facts have been skewed for your entertainment. by Joshua ...

Cannabis Lounge boasts “inspirational space” for new art students

A project that commenced when Clew was still a substitute for Blackboard, the university’s ...